012 – a trip to the beefalo plant
i feel the need to present the following disclaimer before this story: this actually happened. this is my life.
today me and a friend were driving on an old country road looking for the intersection that would carry us back to civilization. we got to the point where you don’t know if you’ve missed your turn or its just around the next corner so we decide to turn in and ask someone. the next presentable place just turns out to be the one pictured above. the C&F meat company. home of the so aptly named “beefalo”.
we get out and walk in the door and my nose is immediately assaulted with the ‘aroma’ of fresh meat. as we walk in, two workers look us in the eye, say nothing, and walk through a door. now there is no one in the, shall i call it, lobby? we peer through the doorway and for the sheer experience value choose to walk into what appears to be a room completely devoted to the slicing of meat
as i walk down the hallway, i passed a tub filled to the brim with hip sockets. i don’t know what kind of animal they are from. judging from the sign they could be from cows, hogs, sheep, goat, deer, or the ever-elusive ‘beefalo’.
i step into what is must be the nightmare of every hoofed creature on the earth. its everything stereotypical about your run-of-the-mill creepy country meat processing plant. as my friend proceeds to ask one of the three hair-netted workers which way our street is, i take a look around. i notice that some of the ‘butchers’ (such a nice, comforting word) are wearing tall rubber boots. what have they been stepping in? i look in the corner and there is a conveyor belt that is dropping bones into a plastic bucket. thump. thump. i can hear the horror soundtrack starting.
my friend listens intently to the meat-slayer-turned-traffic-manager as he points out the direction we need to travel with his giant fillet knife! i close my eyes for fear i may see my friend’s ear fall to the ground. i’ve seen too much at this point. time to go.
but just in case you needed any, bones are only 99¢, monday through saturday, 8-6!
“a room completely devoted to the slicing of meat.” This would b my idea of heaven or the perfect honeymoon or something. I actually might ask for a meat slicer my next birthday…maybe I need to request a tub for sockets, too?
lol this is hilarious!!